


Forgiveness, can you imagine?

by elenalanda3010



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon Compliant, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 03:53:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18909004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elenalanda3010/pseuds/elenalanda3010
Summary: Stream of consciousness. Bucky's thoughts after *that* scene.





	Forgiveness, can you imagine?

 

It could have been me.

Even if I didn’t deserve it, even if you said I would.

You said so many things.

I am your friend, I won’t leave you, I won’t do anything stupid.

I’m with you till the end of the line.

Here we are, I guess.

I’m over the end of the line as you are. And yours has been so beautiful and full.

I’m happy for you, Steve. I really am.

Such an unfortunate moment, seeing you for the last time.

When I was young and stupid and unaware of the danger of the war and so terribly in love with you, I used to dream about us, about the day our story would have been sang. Cause you and I were unstoppable and so was our love.

I’ve been watching you every day, I’ve seen every little part of your body, every part of your soul. It was strong and pure and -I swear- my heart thought the eyes couldn’t have ever seen something so extraordinary.

I’ve loved every part of you. I’ve loved you for the last time.

The world is safe, Steve. Rejoice.

You saved everyone and still left me behind.

You saved yourself at last. I’m happy. Always told you to be selfish, just a bit more.

Well, you are now and seems like I’m the only one to pay.

My mind -what’s left of it- whispers words of hate. You left.

I’m safe and sound and I owe it to you: you found me, you made me a person again, you made me feel. You, always you. You’re breaking my heart.

I can’t follow and you don’t want me to. A choice has been made and it has been the easiest one for you. So sorry it can’t be said the same for me.

Why, Steve? Why did you have to annihilate me once again?

I loved you first and you don’t even know.

Forgiveness, can you imagine?

I’m trying as hard as I can. But you left and you’re living your best life while I’m here.

Was that the mistake of my life, following Captain America into the jaws of death?

We were both dead and we didn’t even know. How many other things did we miss?

So naïve from me.

They’ll look at me and I won’t see hate or curiosity in their eyes, just the dying light of compassion. You used to hate it. Remember how people used to look at you? When you were so small and sick.

I really turned into you before I could realize.

Wanna know the worst part? They’ll se you. Everything I have left is about you.

The world is finally yours, Steve.

How am I supposed to live in a world where you spirit lays wherever I go?

I loved you first and I never told you.

Before Howard, before the army, before America, before her.

And you loved me first, I used to be so sure.

The way you looked at me, the way your lips were so attracted by my skin.

But you moved on and you did it long time ago.

You’ve been lying all this time. To me, to your family.

Liar.

I should have known. I didn’t.

Steve Rogers is not a liar.

Who are you?

 

Goodbye Steve.

 

_“Hateful to me as the gates of Hades the man who hides one thing in his heart and says another.” ( Iliad 9. 312-3 )_


End file.
